.: a house is not a home :.

As my sleeping pattern is still irregular, sometimes I took an hour (or two) nap in the afternoon. It's like a sneak preview to my later years, perhaps? Because since I hit 30 I desperately need that 8hrs sleep. I can't stay awake as long as I used to do when I was, say, 29. Weird huh? Anyway, in one of those naps I dreamt of my childhood home and how happy we all were. My home was a cozy, warm, welcoming kind of home. In the afternoon we opened the double door to let the cool breeze in. We had a small koi pond and a big mango tree along with smaller plants and flower bushes. It was a decent sized house, with decent sized bedrooms. I loved it so much although it looks super dated (1950s). I loved my bedroom and my 31 yrs old soft bed. I woke up feeling so very sad that we don't have that house anymore. My parents want a nicer, bigger and more modern house, a decision that I did not approve even until this day. I know the old house is falling apart, literally. The bricks were moldy and the wooden stairs gave up a while ago. But it is repairable. Now I even refuse to call it 'my' house because I feel like I don't belong there. The new house is modern, luxurious looking and a tad pretentious, I think. With its marble floor that drives people crazy whenever there's spillage, and how Chester always slipped when he run around the house. We need air conditioner all the time now because the house gets super hot & suffocating during the day. My mom built the rooms to resemble hotel rooms with its amenities: private bathroom, a tv in each room. It's just missing a maid services because I made my own bed and clean the room+bathroom myself (unlike other Indonesians with their army of maids, we do things ourselves) It feels exactly like that; a temporary room. Cold, uncomfortable, and impersonal. I tried to put most of what I had in my old bedroom to recreate the feeling but I failed. I really miss my home, and I can never get it back. I guess it is a part of growing up. Now all I can do is move on.