.: crashed, burned, goodbye :.

That's how I feel about my schooling right now. Tried so hard every semester to come up with amazing design with flawless typography and strong concept. I fall flat on my face every single semester. Came close to failing a class once only to be saved by one good-natured professor that I constantly disappoint every semester. Maybe it is time to admit that it was a good ride, lesson learned, and end this misery? Because frankly, I'm miserable. My brain is fried. My creative juice has been squeezed to the last drop, and now all that's left are the dry, withering skins. I don't like doubting myself and my confidence has disappeared since my 2nd semester. Who am I kidding? I've never been one of those design prodigy. What am I trying to prove? Those who said I should feel so lucky for being able to continue my education, just shut the hell up. How do you know how I feel on those weekends I spent locked up in my room doing projects? At this point I just do not care anymore. Just trying to stay afloat so I won't get deported for falling out of status way too many times.

.: rant rant rant rant rant :.

Ok, I was totally wrong when I thought Indo is not that bad. Indo IS bad for me. I am so glad to be given the chance to live abroad because if I continue on living in Indo, I die already. I cannot stand the people. I cannot stand the weather. The traffic. How shallow people around me are. I am me no matter how fat I get, deal with it. My fat content does not change my point of view on life, and you don't have a say in what I wear nor what I do just like I don't have a say in what you wear and what you do. And boy living here is so dull now that everyone has their own babies. I don't belong here. I've taken San Francisco for granted. Can't wait to be home.

.: life in okami :.

the evil fortress in my living room

If my life is like in the game Okami, I think my village has been surrounded by evil force & full of red mist + demon scrolls that I have to tackle. Oh, listen to me. I think I've been playing wii too much this week :p Seriously, ever since I moved to SanFran I found so many wrong things in my life, combined. I'm surrounded by angry, negative people everyday, crazy property manager who keeps on lying to our face, public transportation dramas, never-ending school pressures, lost friends... I'm overwhelmed. Others may found these everyday occurences normal (and even challenging or exciting) but I'm so tired to face conflicts all the time. There are many times I just lost it. Like what my hun said, my feng shui is way off. Nothing is right on my stars alignment. Bad living environment killed my chi. (And my head, apparently since I keep on referring to chinese culture that I don't even understand)
Unfortunately at this moment all I can do is just suck it up for a little longer & try to keep my hopes up for a better future (now I borrow lingos from a cheesy novel... darn it my chi IS dead) And how grateful I am to know that in this evil universe, I still have real good friends & family who knew my inner monster and still love me :)

.: drenched :.

Rain makes me feel melancholic (worse than usual). All I want to do is roll around my bed under my blankets and drink a ginormous cup of coffee. Instead I have to run errands, buy stuff to take home and for my friday projects. Found out I got bad grades (C = lack of effort in AAU and barely passing). I think I'm burned out :(

it's raining like crazy here!

good thing I have my rain boots

So I won't have to sacrifice my new caramel-colored boots