.: confession :.

6AM in San Francisco

I want all these to stop; thesis and portfolio and the likes.
I want to like graphic design again. I don't want to be a typezilla.
I like hand-written fonts. So sue me.
I still hate Comic Sans and Papyrus. And Brush Script. And those curly fonts they use in boutiques.
I want to sleep less than 7hrs again and still feel the world is okay.
For one day, I just want to create meaningless design–graphic design for design sake. Pure aesthetic, with no purpose at all. No smart concept behind it. Just something nice to look at.
Screw grids and gutters.
Just give me the freakin diploma already.

.: utter failure :.

So I had my last studio class today. What a disappointment. I thought I did not do so bad; and my professor seem to lead me to believe I did okay. She approved everything, including the paper choices. But today I was just shut down; the book cover is not appealing. Poster not good. Layout was okay but my paper choice was my downfall (her exact words). Totally fall flat on my face. And there goes my chance to actually accomplish something in this painful 4 years of graduate school. So bummed. Good thing I have a blog; I'll just showcase it here and pretend that I actually accomplish something—for my own mental health.

.: crashed, burned, goodbye :.

That's how I feel about my schooling right now. Tried so hard every semester to come up with amazing design with flawless typography and strong concept. I fall flat on my face every single semester. Came close to failing a class once only to be saved by one good-natured professor that I constantly disappoint every semester. Maybe it is time to admit that it was a good ride, lesson learned, and end this misery? Because frankly, I'm miserable. My brain is fried. My creative juice has been squeezed to the last drop, and now all that's left are the dry, withering skins. I don't like doubting myself and my confidence has disappeared since my 2nd semester. Who am I kidding? I've never been one of those design prodigy. What am I trying to prove? Those who said I should feel so lucky for being able to continue my education, just shut the hell up. How do you know how I feel on those weekends I spent locked up in my room doing projects? At this point I just do not care anymore. Just trying to stay afloat so I won't get deported for falling out of status way too many times.

.: why design :.

People like him got me all excited about design again. He's extremely talented and he's just 18 years old. His work got a lot of attention already. This guy was approached by the FBI because his thesis is so convincing. I'm a 30 years old student who got stuck in her thesis approach and nobody in the industry knew who I am. Who will get hired first? Exactly.

.: how to eliminate disruptive behavior once and for all :.

 my professor roland young :  poster boy for disruptive behavior.
via @jasonpermenter

a.k.a : the fantasy project. Everyone that I talk to about my thesis project were skeptical. They said it can't be done. It's like I'm trying to save the world. Promote world peace. All those things that are nice to say but can never be done. It's so far out, you can't really see it. I fear that this is the core problem. I've been yakking about lack of respect, lack of common understanding, but the core problem is these skeptical thoughts. There is a thin line between being realistic and just too lazy to think. It is challenging, but I don't believe that NOTHING can be done. I've been researching interesting stuff about the topic, but also I listen to the thing that people say. I'm just blown away. "Why do you have to be so loud?" "Because I want to. And, because I can. So what?" Sheer arrogance. "Why are you so arrogant?" "This is who I am. I won't change a damn thing about me. I'm awesome. Screw you." Well then, your arrogance has no base because you're only allowed to be slightly proud when you're actually capable of doing something out of the ordinary. But you can't even change yourself. Why so proud, then? I wish I can dare these arrogant schmucks to be kind or I'll shoot them. They'd rather be shot I suppose. Oh, don't forget the classic blaming game. "I annoy other people because other people annoyed me." "She does that, too! Why don't you yell at her?" What is wrong, people? Why so rude? What can I do to convince you not to be rude?

.: crafty saturday :.

I'm wondering why my professor ask us to build a recycled birdhouse, completely out of waste materials. How does that relate to graphic design? My best guess is that he wants us to get familiar with different kinds of materials available to us, and get our craftmanship in shape.
I have three ideas for this birdhouse : a tim-burton-ish circus, a shakespeare cottage, and a love nest. I'm leaning towards the circus theme because I'm very much into festival, circus-y graphics. I do have terrible craftmanship skill, so hopefully I'll be better after practice.

.: abandoned :.

For those whom I have ignored and perhaps poisoned with spray paint vapors, I apologize. This is the reason why I have abandoned you all (sorry Yon, please don't get tired of the 'I have homework' excuse). This project has been taking so much of my time and literally made me sick to my stomach because I inhaled too much of spray paint vapors (I put these projects inside my room less than 24 hours after I spray them). Speaking of homework, a fellow classmate and I have this discussion on how we repel friends by saying 'I have too much homework, can't hangout'. They thought this is just our excuse for not wanting to socialize, they don't believe that we have THAT much homework. Honestly, even we can't believe that we have that much homework either. This school has been taking a major toll on my life, and I think of all 20 students that are in my thesis batch, 18 of them started to feel burned out. Right now, I'm dying to have successful projects to keep me going, because I'm aware I haven't been one of the good students. So we'll see how this semester goes :)

Anthropologie Velvet paint collection

This is why graphic designers can't have manicures

.: clean up your act :.

Some of you are already familiar with my thesis topic, which is about bringing back civility in San Francisco's public places. I'm more focused with promoting a better decision making process than regulating other people's manners. My one-line manifesto is 'you cannot control how others behave, but you can control how you react.' I need to call this thesis something, and I'd love to hear some clever, double entendre, cheeky title ideas from everyone, pretty please :)

What's with the bikes picture, you asked? They're my neighbor's, and as you can see the tires are right in front of our door. If you're not careful, you may bump into them & got pretty nasty bruises. Tempted to leave them a passive aggressive note but I opted to avoid the conflict & just walk around it :p